FIREHOUSE SUBS of BERKLEY, MI

REVIEW

I was very much looking forward to my first ever Firehouse Sub at 28557 Woodward Ave in Berkley, MI. I've read mostly good things about them and I wanted to try one for myself. I also wanted to compare their Steak and Cheese sub to a competitor's, namely Jersey Mike's Subs. I ordered the sub the same way I always do with extra sauteed onions and some jalapeno peppers. 

When I unwrapped the sub, I opened wide with anticipation and took my first bite. I was expecting a burst of that good old cheese-steak flavor. What I got was a mouthful of no flavor. The beef was unseasoned. Completely unseasoned. No salt, no pepper, no nothing. I don't like a lot of salt on my meats to begin with, but no seasoning at all was a surprise. The sauteed onions had no seasoning either. Usually, when one saute's or grills onions, salt is used to allow the onions to sweat and bring out their flavor. Even though I asked for grilled onions, the cook sauteed them, resulting in a finished product I didn't want. I wanted the onions to have that grilled and slightly charred taste. I know this is a bit nit-picky, but if I ask for something a certain way, the cook should be able to accomondate my request. But this was the least of my problems. I was more concerned about them putting mayo and mustard as standard ingredients on a HOT Steak and Cheese? I can see someone requesting these on their sub as I do with jalapenos if that suits their fancy. There's nothing wrong with that. But, serving these ingredients on this classic seems odd at best. It's like painting a big red clown's nose onto the Mona Lisa. It just doesn't belong. Whoever designed the Firehouse Steak and Cheese for their everyday menu needs to rethink this ill conceived combination.

Anyway, after a few bites, I bit into a portion of beef that had the texture of a thick rubber band we'd find holding together stalks of broccoli. It actually snapped back. My jaws eventually lost the battle of tug of war, so I decided to see what I was fighting against. I tried to pull the piece of beef apart with my hands, but it was like a piece of Flex Seal, that rubberized sealant you see on TV? I looked at my wife and said, "Sweety, look at this." She watched me struggling with this tendon and couldn't believe how elastic, but unyielding it was. After I gave up the fight, I felt like sending it off to the Smithsonian so they could display it as an attraction for curiosity seekers. Perhaps I could get some of my money back if they cut me in for a piece of the admission price.

My wife ordered the Smokehouse Beef and Cheddar Brisket with Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce. From her first bite she also agreed that the meat was flavorless. Not only that, the beef was chopped so fine that it didn't have the texture of brisket. Instead it was more like minced meat that felt very greasy, like a meat lava flow. Her meat had no consistency, while mine was fighting me like it was still trying keep itself from being eaten. Needless to say, the quality of both subs were, at best, substandard.

The dill pickle spear was a nice addition, until I bit into it. My first thought was, "Oh, what a nice surprise! A nice crisp pickle!" It was limp, warm and had no crunch that you'd expect from a dill spear. As it turns out, it was rolled in a plastic baggy and placed inside of the sub's wrapper. Do you know what happens to a dill spear that's rolled into the same paper wrapper of a hot sub? It doesn't make it. It dies. When I have a pickle with my sub, I want it to be firm, crunchy and cold. This pickle was beyond life support.

In the end, with all of their rave reviews, I expected a lot more from Firehouse Subs. I think their marketing strategy is based on selling their Firemen image rather than allowing the food to speak for them. As it turns out, I wouldn't feed their subs to a Dalmatian. I wouldn't want to be accused of being cruel to animals. Additionally, if I saw a Firehouse Subs ever ignite into flames due to spontaneous combustion, I'd be hard pressed to allow the Dalmatian to lift it's leg to put out the fire. Sorry Firehouse fans. As far as cheese steak is concerned, Firehouse is all wet.

Happy noshing,

~Bobby